Shaded Bough Counseling

Month: November 2023

  • What is Seasonal Affective Disorder?

    What is Seasonal Affective Disorder?

    Are you one of the many people who feel tired, glum, anxious or unfocused as the days get shorter? Does it feel like depression hits you at the same time every year? You might be dealing with Seasonal Affective Disorder.

    What Seasonal Affective Disorder Means

    Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD, is an old name for what is officially called “Major Depressive Disorder with seasonal pattern.” It’s not really a disorder in its own right, just a subtype of depression. But SAD can also happen to some folks who actually have bipolar disorder, so I’m using the old name here.

    If you have SAD, then at certain times of year you’ll consistently get depressed. Depressive symptoms might include sadness, fatigue, low energy, hopelessness, social withdrawal, difficulty focusing, and irritability. You might also feel worthless, guilty, or not be able to enjoy things you used to. Some people may gain or lose a lot of weight, have difficulty sleeping, or even have thoughts of hurting themselves. The symptoms last for at least two weeks, so longer than a mood swing.

    The most common SAD pattern is for depressive symptoms to start in the fall or early winter, and end in the spring. But other patterns are possible. A few people get SAD symptoms in the summer, which end in the fall.

    Why Does Seasonal Affective Disorder Happen?

    Scientists are still trying to figure that out. Our best guess so far is that it’s related to sunlight exposure. Sun exposure produces endorphins in our bodies, while lack of sunlight increases your risk of Vitamin D deficiency, which in turn raises the risk of depression. Low sunlight may also influence your levels of serotonin, melatonin, and other chemicals in your brain. However, this doesn’t explain why some people get SAD in the summer.

    What You Can Do

    Many people with SAD say that light therapy helps their symptoms. You can do this yourself at home. Go outside every day, even if it’s cold and cloudy. Indoors, you can also use a lamp designed for bright light therapy to mimic sunlight, or simulate dawn arriving earlier with a gradual wake up light.

    Most coping skills for other forms of depression are also effective for SAD. Regular exercise, eating nutritious food, and getting eight hours of sleep each night can make your body better at resisting SAD. It’s also very helpful to find a balance between productivity and leisure time. You need to stay active enough to keep your routine going, but without exhausting yourself.

    If your SAD is persistent, or if you think you may be dealing with major depressive disorder or bipolar disorder, you may want more support. A therapist can develop more personalized coping tools and prevention strategies with you. A psychiatrist can prescribe antidepressant medication if needed. If you think one of these options may be right for you, feel free to reach out to me.

  • 5 Strategies to Avoid Fights at Thanksgiving

    5 Strategies to Avoid Fights at Thanksgiving

    For many people, the holiday season isn’t much of a holiday. You might have to visit family you dislike, or be dreading arguments or uncomfortable questions. In fact, Thanksgiving and Christmas sometimes bring up even more anxiety, bad memories and triggers than the rest of the year! So, let’s explore some ways you can avoid fights at Thanksgiving and make your holiday as relaxing as it should be!

    1. Have a safe topic prepared.

    Think of a few neutral conversation ideas that are hard to turn into politics, religion, or other sensitive topics. Hobbies, favorite books or music, and household projects are all good ideas. If you don’t want to share anything personal, try deflecting the conversation to things that your friends, coworkers, or characters in a popular TV show are up to.

    I like to keep a list of conversation starters at hand. It’s easier to refer to a list and pick something fun than to try to invent it myself when I’m feeling stressed.

    2. Resist getting provoked.

    Some people may insist on turning the conversation into an argument, or bringing up stressful topics, even if you play it safe. Do not engage with them when they do this. Do not let yourself get dragged in. Even if they say offensive or ignorant things, your job is to keep yourself sane.

    Depending on the person doing it, you can either:

    1. Keep talking about the neutral topic as if they hadn’t said anything.
    2. Change the subject again. Try catching them off guard with an irrelevant question, like “What do armadillos eat?” or “Have you ever played pickleball?”
    3. Tune the person out or start talking to someone else.
    4. Tell the person you don’t want to talk about the stressful topic.
    5. Walk away.

    Think about the people you know, and which strategy will work best on them.

    3. Avoid fights at Thanksgiving with a shared activity.

    A shared activity can center everyone’s attention on a safe topic. Watching a movie, playing a sport, board games, making art, or putting jigsaw puzzles together can all work. Dogs, kids, and going outside can also be excellent distractions.

    If your difficult relative won’t join in the fun, and insists on making irritating remarks, the shared activity can also give you an excuse to ignore them. “Can this wait? We’re trying to focus on the game now.”

    4. Watch the alcohol.

    Heavy conversations usually go poorly if one or both sides have been drinking. By limiting your intake, you can better anticipate if a conversation is going south. You’ll also be more able to restrain yourself, redirect things, or leave if necessary. If your family drinks a lot of alcohol at this time, try alternating alcohol with water or juice for yourself. A full glass will discourage others from offering you refills.

    Notice when others are intoxicated, too. Drunk people are more likely to say hurtful things, and arguing with them doesn’t work. That may be your best cue to leave.

    5. Get your own space.

    Sometimes, the best way to avoid fights at Thanksgiving is to just get out of there. Take a break on the back porch. Say you have a headache and need to go to bed early. Offer to get a napkin for someone from the kitchen. If your relatives are very persistent, consider renting a hotel room instead of spending the night with them.

    Bonus tip: If you absolutely can’t avoid a fight at Thanksgiving…take time to recover afterward.

    Sometimes, even if you do everything right, you’ll still get hurtful comments, unwanted questions, or lose your temper. Others may get in a fight even if you stay out of it. You may come back carrying a lot of stress or frustration.

    Try to arrange a day right after the trip when you can decompress. Ideally, a day where you don’t have to work, either. If that’s not possible, find a few hours where you can. Allow yourself to feel upset for several days, look for pleasant distractions, and find supportive people to talk to.

    Sometimes visiting family brings up bad memories or painful emotions we thought we’d dealt with before. If these feelings don’t resolve on their own after a few weeks, it may help to talk to a therapist. Feel free to contact me if you’re interested in working through those issues more deeply.

  • How to Manage Stress From Current Events and News

    How to Manage Stress From Current Events and News

    Many of my clients feel anxious, depressed or angry when they watch the news or hear about it on social media. Others feel guilty about not doing enough, or not knowing enough about what’s going on. With the outbreak of the war in Israel and Palestine, the tensions are higher than ever, even here in the USA. So how can you handle the stress you feel from current events – and make a positive difference?

    1. Limit your exposure to the news

    Most news sources focus on negative events, because bad news gets people’s attention and compels us to keep watching. But our brains aren’t built to handle horrible stories every day, especially about big, faraway problems we can’t personally solve. This causes feelings of helplessness and being overwhelmed.

    Instead, I suggest picking a time when you will catch up on the news once or twice a week. Limit it to no more than an hour each time. Reading is usually better than watching video because you can skim the headlines if you’re in a hurry, or if the news is too triggering to read through entirely.

    2. Examine your sources for stress from current events

    Some news sources are better than others, both for accuracy, and for your mental health. Some social media bloggers will share news in a very stressful way, while others are calmer or more uplifting.

    Notice how you feel as you read a person’s blog, or read articles on a website, or watch a news channel. Are you starting to feel angry? Anxious? Exhausted? Some of these feelings are normal when hearing about disasters and danger, but if some of your sources regularly make you upset, you may need a source with a calmer, more level-headed tone. Some good starting points are the BBC, NPR, the Washington Post and the Economist.

    3. Outrage isn’t activism

    Many of my clients who feel stress from current events also feel like they should be feeling upset, or else it means that they don’t care enough about injustice. But feeling upset, on its own, does not help others. Your day being full of anger or worry will not cause politicians to start acting better.

    Release yourself from the obligation to always know what’s going on. Grant yourself permission not to make posts just because you feel pressured to say something. Allow yourself to set the news aside sometimes and enjoy your day, too. You need breaks and happy times so that you don’t get burned out.

    4. Look for a practical way to help

    Anger, worry, and other negative emotions exist to motivate us. So channel that motivation into an action you can do. Many folks like to pick one cause to focus on, like cleaning up pollution, or reproductive rights, or helping people find affordable housing. You might then donate to an organization related to that cause, use social media to spread awareness, or even check out volunteer opportunities in your community.

    The first key word is “sustainable.” If you can sort donations at a food pantry for an hour a week, that’s awesome. If you can only make posts telling people about food drives and where they can find pantries, that’s also helpful! Do what works for your energy level, time, resources, and personal strengths.

    The second key word is “constructive.” You will probably be much happier if you feel like you’re making a difference – and you’ll attract more people to your cause. I personally have a rule that I don’t share posts on social media if all they accomplish is making me feel upset. Instead, I share information about resources, charities, and ways people can help. That helps me feel more hopeful, too.

    5. Identify who you can talk to about stress from current events

    Some people in your life are better for discussing the news with than others. Some of them may have opinions you find offensive or hateful. Others, you might agree with, but their attitudes are hard to deal with. It’s okay to tell these folks, “I’d rather not talk about the news, thanks.” If someone insists on talking about the news after you asked them not to, change the subject or step away from the conversation.

    Look for people whom you can safely talk to about the news, and whom you don’t mind listening to in return. You both may need to vent sometimes. They may be able to give you ideas for what to do, support you with your own struggles, and help you feel like you aren’t going crazy.

    If your stress from current events is still very high, or you think it’s feeding into other problems like anxiety, depression, or tension with your loved ones, it may help to talk to a therapist. Therapy can give you more personalized tools for stress and difficult interactions with people you know. Feel free to contact me if you think that may be useful for you.